Imagine opening a journal after several weeks away from it. A recipe card in your aunt's handwriting has turned up in a kitchen drawer. You want to remember how she folded the card into the flour bag, but the blank pages make you wonder where to begin.
Begin with the card. Write the detail that brought your aunt to mind today and date the page you use. The memory can take the space it needs, whether that is a paragraph or a few lines.
First-Year Grief Journal offers undated writing pages for the year after a death. Each entry has a prompt, an optional activity, more room to write, and space for something that helped. The opening instructions invite readers to return at the next blank page whenever they come back.
Put a remembered detail on the page
The journal includes a prompt about the face, voice, or hands of the person who died. You might remember your aunt brushing flour from her fingers before answering the telephone. Describe the movement, the sound of her voice, or the room where you watched her cook.
Keep the detail as particular as you can recall it. If part of the memory is uncertain, write the part you remember clearly. You can add another detail later if it comes back to you.
The pages about the person you are missing include space for what that person loved and what you most want to remember. A recipe, a familiar phrase, or a favorite walk can give you a place to begin those pages too.
Choose how much to write
Read the prompt and decide whether it fits today. The book's instructions also allow readers to write about something else. If the recipe card is what you want to keep, follow that memory.
You may want to tell the whole story of a family meal. You may prefer to write only the dish's name and the sentence your aunt always said when serving it. Leave the entry at the length you choose.
When you come back, put the new date on the next page you use. Let the earlier entry remain as you wrote it. If you want to add something to that memory, date the addition so that you can recognize the later thought when you reread it.
Name the company you want
The People Who Help pages ask for names, phone numbers, and the kind of help each contact can offer. The examples include a ride, a meal, a long conversation, and quiet company.
Think about what would suit the afternoon ahead. You might want to cook your aunt's recipe with a cousin who remembers it. You might prefer someone to sit with you while you sort the kitchen drawer. Make the invitation specific enough for that relative or friend to answer.
Ask before sharing a private journal entry. You can tell your cousin that you found the card and would like company without handing over the whole journal. Choose the amount you want to share.
Leave room for a difficult date
The journal has a place for dates that may be hard, what you might do, and whom you might spend the day with. If your aunt's birthday is approaching, use that page to consider an arrangement you would welcome.
You might ask a relative to call that morning or suggest cooking the recipe together. Confirm the arrangement with the relative and record it where you will see it. Change the plan if a different kind of company would suit you better.
The writing pages include a line for something that helped. When an ordinary detail belongs there, record it: the cousin who washed the dishes, the call you accepted, or the quiet time you chose.
Open the next blank page, write today's date, and describe the detail of your aunt that you want to keep.
Related book
First-Year Grief Journal, by Stephen Deason, is available free. Its edition page offers the complete journal and printable fill-in pages.